Patient Advocacy: Healthcare on your side
by Martine G. Brousse,
Healthcare
Specialist, Patient Advocate, Certified Mediator
ADVIMEDPRO
Five Tips: when someone you know
has cancer
has cancer
Despite medical victories, millions of survivors and a sharp
decline in mortality rates, the C word still causes one of the most visceral
fears in the human community. We all breathe easier after a negative scan or
exam.
We all know someone batting or who had cancer. When we are
close to the person, how best to help is not in question. But what about a
friend, co-worker or distant relative we don't know so well?
When the news is shared, how to react, how engaged to become,
or what to do? The generic statement: "call me if you need help"
makes us feel better, but how likely is the person to do so?
Without much information, we could assume difficult
treatments are in the near future. So might emotional turmoil, financial
worries and a reassessment of priorities.
I propose five tips to guide you when you care enough about a
cancer patient, but don't know enough.
1. Offer concrete, specific help
Based on your skills, aptitudes, experience or habits, you might
propose your services in one or a few specific areas. Detail what your
assistance would consist of, and how extensive it would be. A good example
would be to say: " I will do your grocery shopping every week on Saturday
mornings for the next month but could not make runs during the week".
Other examples of useful services are medical billing support
(go through the bills, verify what is owed), running errands, bringing complete
meals, paying a cleaning lady, taking over carpool duties, or having your
teenage daughter babysit or help with homework.
2. Be silent
Because there are many aspects of your friend's journey you
don't know about, avoid giving well meaning but possibly unhelpful (or even
offensive) advice unless prompted.
Your uncle Joe's cancer experience or the article on
alternative treatments you just read, are only relevant if your friend asks for
them. Do assist with research if needed, but refrain from expressing your opposition
or disagreement at a decision. This is not your life or health, and if you were
to do things differently in the same situation does not make you right.
3. Offer true friendship
Friendship has many meanings, but one I find very
appropriate is that of non-judgmental listener and supporter. Allow a dialogue
to go where it is needed, not where your agenda leads it to. Be aware of the
mood and of the best response, as they will change. Some times will call for humor
and laughter, others for reflection or inspirational words.
Be there, only if as a strong shoulder for your friend to
cry on. Or be the leader she requires today to take her mind off things.
4. Offer neutral gifts
If your involvement revolves turns general gift giving rather
than time, remember that changes in sensory sensibility are common. Pass on flowers
with a strong fragrance, on scented candles or perfumed body or bath items as
they will likely be discarded or go unused. Going scent-free is the best way,
or give a store credit instead.
Selected self-help or cancer-related books may not be
welcome, but a gift certificate to a major or online bookstore probably will.
Consider giving a gift of "escape": movie or
concert tickets, a few hours at a botanical garden or beach, a visit to a
museum, a drive to a favorite place or store.
5. Be kind and understanding
Even the most responsible, emotionally stable person experiences
changes during such difficult times. Remember that emotional mood swings,
memory lapses, mental "flakiness" and changes in commitment or plans
might occur. Do not take outburst or late-minute cancellations personally. When
body and mind undergo such an out of control roller coaster, there might not be
any better alternative than just wait for it to pass.
In conclusion
Forgiveness and understanding, along with patience and
kindness, are valuable gifts.
Often, small gestures are as appreciated as large-scale
ones, coming from the heart and not from a sense of obligation. Extending help
involving a personal connection or time donation because one wants to, not
because one has to, conveys respect and truthfulness.
Keeping this in mind may direct you to a less personal (but
appreciated nonetheless) gesture such as a gift certificate. While not everyone
is able or willing to offer direct support, at least resentment or
misunderstanding will not be added to an already difficult situation.
© [2016] Advimedpro.
© [2016] Martine G. Brousse.
All rights reserved.
My
objective is to offer you, the patient, concrete and beneficial
information, useful tips, proven and efficient tools as well as
trustworthy supportive advice as you deal with a system in the midst of sweeping adjustments, widespread misunderstandings and complex requirements.
AdvimedPro (424) 999 4705 or (877) 658 9446 fax (424) 226 1330
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